flight 211, here is cleveland Tower. flight - operations control center. Please come in.
flight 211, we have an call from the jet,
that the cockpit in your airplane has been taken over by terrorists.
please confirm.
cordial congratulation, Nabi!
we are on the doorstep of our martyrdom.
- Praise Allah. - Praise him.
Soon we will be grated by Allah, the one true god .
Grated through the rejoicing of our forefathers.
And 99 perfect virgins, that will worship us for all eternity.
- I'd thought, it would be 100. - What's that?
100 virgins. They promised me 100 virgins.
- 99, 100, what's the differnce? - That he tells you one thing
and me a whole other. Maybe they dont know for sure.
Maybe.
Maybe is the accurately number of virgins is not presice.
- when's its around ninety, I can live with it. - Or 75.
Hey, I'm not eager, but what,if theres only 10 ?
- Oh well... - Perhaps its only 10.
- And what if we must divide? - Then you will have five virgins
- more have then now, right? - we speak about eternity!
you remained yes not long virgins, or?
that the virgins wont be virgins for long, if the are together with me
Listen,would you feel better if i called the boss ?
- yes. - Hold on.
Ok.
I'm calling. Osama? Here's aseif.
Hi, we are in the plane. Ah, good, but the safetycontrols were hard,
you know? yeah well, anyway Nabi has a question,
- You want to talk to him? - No!
You speak to him!
hello! Yes.
it's about the virgins...
truly? I have signed for 100 virgins.
He says, there's not enough. To many
and to little virgins for everyone. - Really, how could that be?
- What do i know? - Give me the phone,hold on.
Osama, here is Asif .I have a
question: I want to make a deal,
regarding the virgins, do you guarentee that Nabi and me
will have the virgins for all eternity?
- No thats fine. - Force the door!
He only get 20 virgins .
Open the god damned door!
- then we quit. - Im glad that you said it first!
Ok, switch the intercom on. Dear passengers,
- we change the course direction to Bahamas ! - Bahamas !
- No did'nt you hear me? - We are going to Bahamas!
We will fly to the Bahamas ! After all! We are flying to Bahamas !
those pancake your mother made. They are loathsome!
... Against the lmmigration developed. New installed making
the deterrent from refuges, able to 200 ammunition
in few as 10 seconds let off, so is arizona south border
to the safest the entire nation.
The negotiation with Mr. Cruise goes already today.
Mr. Cruise consists thereupon, that the police its parentally rights
and its religious freedom hurt. Human sacrifice contineous...
today by ''Good day, Paradise: the mayor-candidate eugene Wells
comes to us, around over the new politically landscape to speak,
over the newest and last cry from the toyindustry , the Krotchy Dolls.
remember , it is an Superduper Show.
Turn off the TV! I can't hear my broadcast !
yes, it makes no sense at all
Im making me ready for my new job.
Ready?! you look like a gay!
nobody is your funereally [hillsides - backside] adjust.
Why go you not finally to your uncle dave and pump him?
- damn, shut up ! - What are you going out for?
Oh, nothing.
Dont forget to pick up your wellfare check!
Kisses, Kisses, darling! Fat...
Come on! Come on!
NO. Bad boy. You are a bad boy. I told you, no pooping in front of our home.
You must only poop in our nighbours garden.
Dirt the yard.
the is an violation the Trailer park-ordinance issue 101-40.
- Dog eat up the poop now! - It comes all on the list.
The list? The list, dammit. The list. What now? What more have you on the list?
ordinance issue 143-11. Yesterday, so around the lunch hour...
i dont care what you and your wife do in your bedroom,
but 143-11 says, that, when I hear you are making love
at 10 o' clock in the morning, I have a complaint against yours
sorry backside turn in can, and exactly that will I do.
Oh, well, ok. At least I have'nt slept with my sister.
you elephant! And for your information, you backwoods,
I wasnt home yesturday.
I hate this town. It pisses me off.
The NASA the american air- and space administration has never exist.
all the spacemissions, that we have heard of,
ever since we were school children : were made in hollywood.
we never landed on the moon. There is no John Glenn.
Nevertheless, it gives a senator...
Hey! Hello, you! Professor,what do you think this is? A libarary
- Just two minutes. - Forget those two minutes.
- you buy now or bye-bye. - Ah. ''Yummy''.
now reaches's. Bye-bye. Now go. Hurry , get out. Good bye. Good bye.
Close the door on your way out.
Daddy , Mohammed says, he must talk with you.
- Now? - Yes, now
Okey now, what had she said about me ? What a slut!
My brother! Has the police been here today?
- Do I look suspicious? - No, not at all. Truly. Marry me.
You can stay here as long as you want.
Well, perhaps I wont stay for much longer.
- Hm? - We have news from afghanistan.
- news? - Everything goes as planned.
The delivery will be here in three days.
Ah, praised be allah. When... When will...
Tommorrow. The time has come,
that we with ours sword
the genitals the disbelievers pierce.
pwhew!
Good.
I see, that you have noticed the heads. Very motivating.
They are all the bastards, that I got,
- around these job to wage war. - Awful.
of course, It's Pappmaché. He thought, that is genuine.
please,take a seat.
continuoue .
so, I hope, you have nothing against it, that, you see yes,
that we the receive.
we become it perhaps to the view use. You understand?
yes, yes, is clear.
what is wrong with you?
- it is... The chair is broken... - ln order, the clock runs.
- shall we begin? - Yes, sir.
Great.
- Im here because of the job, sir. - Correct, you were factoryworker.
I was. I was a factory worker, but the factory closed,
- and therefore I became disband and... - I have still 15 other contestant
for the job. Why are you better then the others?
Umm, I dont know, if I am better then they are.
damn it still times, chum! If you want this job,
you have to show it. You must yourself
nail some heads on that wall.
You know what? Never mind, go on. What is your greatest power?
- I'm an good teamworker. - Wrong.
Ok.
- What do you think is your greatest weakness? - I work too hard sometimes.
Wrong.
How would you move a mountian, when you only had a spoon?
- A spoon? - When youre in a box,
- How would you get out? - Ah, yes, when im in a box...
Wrong. Last question:
what is the difference between one canard?
And...
What the hell is wrong with you? A canard?
Im here because of a job. A job. So far I know,
has these job nothing to do with a cocksucking, damned canard!
Congratulations,boy . That was all excellent.
How do you feel?
I feel good? - Wrong, no. What for an feeling?
what is the feeling? I tell you how i feel
15 cursed skull on this wall to nail? I tell you how!
It feels fucking great.
- Fucking great! - So have I got the job?
Ehh, no. The was only a first getting to know eachother part.
oh yes, no, we have still an couple more...
- 120. - Yes, we have
a couple more candidates, that we need to talk to,
but you have a hell of a attitude . Absolutely.
still, before you go. I want, you to sing our companys song.
we work gladly for the Company. The Übergreat-Company.
And we will gladly work till were dead.
And are you first times old, is the board popped.
And your office is then your coffin.
our Company. The Übergreat-Company.
but now its again what is created.
We will call you.
I hate this town.
brothers and sisters.
I am proud, to present for you:
''The truth''!
please save your energy for uncle dave!
Good day, good day.
welcome by the community of organic monotheism.
I congratulate you all to yours first step to freedom,
in that you, your educational program has quitted.
obvious are you to the inference reaches,
that the american dream often is not your own dream.
- In fact, its a nightmare! - Yes!
an nightmare, the already soon devoured is
from the all consumptive people from God damnation!
- yes! - Yes!
- Everyone from here say: ''Oh''! - Ohoh!
- Who loves God? We do! - We do!
- interactive file and archive administration? - Hm...
Ah, yes, this I like, this is my world! Marvellous!
refusal, Ritchie , no. Refusal. This here is...
this here is only a lnnerholiest thing. Severe ritualistic.
uncle dave, im sorry, that I must disturb you,
but we have what an important matter to discuss.
The female child, she must go.
Ok, children. It appears, that brother Richard is here
- our energy must mix. - Hurry up, come on, Ladys.
- Re you moving, get Out! - So is it brave...
- I want my sacrament. - Clear gives's sacrament, I told you.
- It is however also my favourite meal. - The is wonderful. I love you.
Oh, hello. Yes.
- God bless her. - Ritchie , what do you want?
- What is your problem? - We have to speak...
- Its kind of a liquidity problem . - Of what does the hangman talk to you, Ritchie ?
Have you seen the new recruits? It accords, members and bounties
We have more now then ever. We have here more pussy here
then in the Playboy-Mansion , but...
yes, and? Where is then the problem, Richie?
- Well. It is the tax investigation . - Yes, what about them
It appears, as you have'nt paid the taxes in over 3 years.
- Rubbish. - I have tried to explain,
that our constant expectation of worlds end makes it difficult
to justify, that we contribution pay for long-term program's
how the public community health or the social security.
but obvious can no one select,
- which taxes he wants to pay. - Calm down, Ritchie , you know however,
I hate these management-shit. What make we that's why?
- Umm yes... - What were you saying?
we pay them or...
we pay them. Or everything is over. The sexorgies, the pantyparty,
the tacos, even all. And you go in prison.
- How much money do we need? - Hm.
1,3 million dollar...
and 97 cent.
- shit, Ritchie . - Dont worry, uncle dave.
because when the government strike down our doors,
will G-O-D good save us.
hmm. That is an wonderful, complete ridiculous remark, Ritchie .
If that was all you had to say, then please leave me alone.
Oh well, in case you need me, Im in the next door.
Its reasonable impossible, Ritch.
... Unfortunately can the supply on Krotchy Dolls
not satisfy the demand . Parents and children
has been waiting for weeks to get one. We are in two minutes back. Till then.
Hey, you, old man! Stop. Could you give me some money ey?
- Im sorry but im got no money left. - Come on, im serious.
Come on. I need a couple of dollars for the bus,
- I want to see my kids. - I, no, I have no...
- Im really sorry, I have no money. - Hey, listen to me, I want to talk to you.
Come on! Listen to me, asshole! Types like you have everything you need!
I know you, you have a good job, you have a expensive car, you have all,
and I have at all nothing! Spare me some, you and all the other ldiots,
Just look at you! Go away!!
I can smash you in your face you,drive over you with my car!
it is green!
Hey! Asshole.
Hey! Wheeling already!
You have to move,its green! Move, you fucking ass!
God damned, Why doesnt she drive?
- Maybe she has forget her glasses. - Did you say glass?
- yes. - Did you say glass,
you son of a bitch? Bargain I you all this
advanced student-lingual-CDs, and all you can say is glass? Damn it!
it is glasses! You fucking immigrants come here,
you wrecks our language and this asshole hold the entire commerce on!
- Come on, relax, Greg. - Fuck relaxing!
this piece of shit comes here , takes possession of the supermarket
and is blocking the whole god damned road.
calm down, okey. Take it or leave it already.
you have right. Ok.
Ill go to her car to see what the problem is.
Its a old lady, you made me feel bad.
Hi, the traffic lights is green. The traffic lights is green.
you have to drive over the crossroads. The traffic lights was green.
what you say? What you say now, you fucking piece of shit?
You have fried your last wok!
shit!
man.
- what happend over there? - She called me nigger.
- Wow, did you see that? - Undoubtedly.
an rendezvous with me and she looks like, as has she an mayonnaise-truck kissed.
Thats the way they all look after Mr. Fuck-them-all.
I hope that she will come back soon.
Here you are, thanks. Hi.
- Ok. - Decided?
- yes. - What will it be?
lch want a medium .
ahh wait, you know what? I take a Large .
- I take a large espresso. - Ok.
No. NO, you know what?Peheps.. Perhaps with vanilla.
- Ok. - What accommodates best to Bagles ?
you had 10 minutes,to make your rotten decision!
what is wrong with you? Cant you just pick something?
we sell coffee! That is all! Otherwise nothing! You are not here to buy a car!
Ill decide! Hm? You know what you get?
just plain simple coffe.
careful. The beverage, you will come to know its very hot.
next!
what?
two latte without scum, please.
I cant believe, that youre here for the first time.
Me, all this condemned ldiots name me ''uncle dave''!
- And in the ground is I your uncle dave. - Yes.
so, when was the last time we saw eachother?
The bachelorsparty. Right before the weedingday.
Thats right, that was great fun. I wonder, if the donkey survived
- well, how do you find the shop? - Its... Its inconceivable. Genuine.
-You know, I have to thank you all for that here -Me?
Oh yes, we have however always said, we consider so 'ne issue off, or?
- yes. - how credulous the people are, when they all belive what you say them several times
the has she all belief, when one it them only an couple time says.
anyway have I all this ldeen anytime in the act moved,
then the next step taken, and here am I again damn it.
-I cant belive it. Can you?
-yes.
-It is important that comes to this time, I need money,
-because I am me straight in one financial serious difficulty.
-I have a plan how I can get out...
- but I need a partner - Sorry, no.
I know, what you want, uncle dave. I...
- I do not dress me with those clothes anymore. - Come on, like in old times.
Do you know, how many times we have stolen the flag from the governor?
- Hm, twice. - Yes.
- And this plan is tottaly solid. - Last time I got arrested.
- Yes, that plan was'nt solid enough. - they had caught me with the flag law
And with this criminal offence in the documents
cant i get into to a good collage
or or get a good job, or... I now play the rules.
You know what? Nobody plays the rules. Ok?
either you bend it or you burst it.
- all other is only an slower death. - Yes, I can feel that.
-I never forced things, that you dont want
I have always let you go your own way . Anyway, but its going great for you, hm?
I mean, you have a beautiful woman, and a beautiful home.
but if you change your mind, let it me know.
- here, have a souvenir ashtray. - Thanks.
so, you receive a welfarecheck for 168 dollar, yes?
watch out, man!
... Ade here are are foodbrands worth 250 Dollar. Do you understand, what I am saying?
the is an more magnificent deal, so once more, you can earn 100 ....
- here are 82 dollar. - 82 dollar,
that you should not escape to leave. Here it is your turn, here take my pen.
here, take/while think pen. Do not forget to write the date
23/6.
Hey, have you heard, that the united states,
after they close the boundaries, now also tear off the statue of Liberty?
the entire old copper is now for sale.
I do not want copper, go away!
- This is the wrong form . - What?
- It is the wrong form I said . - Its all the same to me
I wont go away,
-until I have got my money -its ok, come with me buddy,
- walk we. Summoning already. - Where is the pen? Where is my pen?
He has think pen pinched! Hey! Hey!
No don't do it No. Dont do it!!
do not do it, stop it
I need help, I need reinforcement
-Yes
-you dont need this anymore
- I need more reinforcement - Number 25 !
I am here
To late, closed!
So damn it.
what the hell?
-Yes, give it to me daddy! I'm your bad, bad child!
-Oh yes. Harder! Faster! yes! yes...
I'll be right back, honey.
Hey, neighbor.I think that Idont need to
make a complaint against you
I must find the wet spot.
hello!
put the welfarecheck on the counter!
oh yes!
were making a pancake.
- Pour cooking oil on me, you sow! - Extra virgin!
Oh yes! Wow!
please, uncle dave, please only an couple hundred dollar. Only...
that I can leave this dirty hole
- for the rest of my live. Please. - Hey, buddy, last chance.
come here. Give me a couple of dollars, here damn it.
- but I have absulotely nothing! - Come on,
with who do you speak? Hm? Do you think im stupid, huh?
listen, if yourwe not gonna help me I will help myself.
- Give me your wallet now. - Dude , who do you talk with?
No.
-Let go of my wallet . What do you want? -Brother, are you still there?
Hey, brother! When we're on the phone, tell me,
What is your meaning about the miles bonus program, brother?
- what's with you? Let me go! - No!
you know, I have thought, one could the miles anytime convert, right?
i have tried it, but not on christmas.
- last chance. - No.
- gave me the wallet! - No!
shit im dumb.
all holidays are removed. alway if you want to change the bonusmiles,
are they on holidays . Oh my, the is however pure shit, or?
- dave? - Yes?
- Im in. - For real? Shit, thats great, man.
but, you know what? Its a little stressy, so...
we, the people of allah, give you a new sign of the force
in the fight against the great satan of west.
you believe, we are weakened, but in only few days we will
a blow against America lead, the so quick and unsparing,
that the evil once and for all will be destroyed.
we ask the, the right belief are, on,
to wait, to pray, to promise allah, when the great battles begins.
And cut.
wonderful scene, master, wonderful. This time have you yourself outdone.
you master the screen. You are powerfull and touching.
I have nearly began to cry. You have real Starquality.
I cant say it with words. You are an authentic Superstar.
your voice, yours eyes, they are fantastic.
what? Dont you know, that I an braised-allergy have?
Do you try to kill me?
Who wrote this shit?
they do not listen to me mohamed
I tell them about allah and rhum, and what get I to hear?
-virgins. - ding, ding ding,ding...
nobody wants to die nowadays, unless they get virgins!
but this time must nobody die! That is the genius of the plan
oh, this plan
what is it this time, more Anthrax ?
Master . master . Why do you always have to be this way?
Is it because of the thing with the airplane?
Is it? Hm? Come on! Is it?
children - stuff! tomorrow is the day, that we make history.
you, I and the charge with Krotchy Dolls!
I go and watch Oprah.
You look better now then last time. The diet works.
All I want to do, is to get away from Paradise.thats all!
doesnt matter what i have to do!
Ok. Fuck me in the ass.
- was only a joke. - Aha.
No, here. Here. Know seen this thing?
- Krotchy Dolls? - Yes.
of course, who doesnt? The most successful series in the television.
the fella, hi speaks, its however a great tv-star, or?
Doesnt matter. All, that matter is,
that every one want one of these little dolls, right?
but sadly is the Chinese boat,
that carried the dolls, sunk.
Around 100.000 from the dolls was ordered.
unfortunately but no sign of the ppl on the boat.
so, what? There is not enough dolls, or?
Thats right. Today tomorrow these dollies
- 4.000 dollar in a auction . - Nice.
yes.
And... And 2.000 times... Times 4 dollar...
...Times 4.000 dollar, that are... - ... That are eight...
- thats roughly, that are ... - No.
- that is eight... - You let the nulls off.
- No, when it three nulls are and... - You shift the comma behind.
I dont belive, no, wait, when you... This is a fucking lot of money.
it is an ass full of money. - Right, many asses full of money.
yes.
Ok.
Ok, so, what do you want from me?
perhaps a plan?
because if you can remember, the thing with the stolen flag,
- that was my plan. - That was shit.
- He pointed at some structurally absence . - Yes, yes.
Ok, ok. ok.
what we must do... What we must do, is, we go to Little Germany...
- yes. - We break in
and steal the dolls and bring here.
- that is, we need some kind of... - Van
Van! Thats it! One that cant be traced.
correct.
Ha...
- Ah? - Yes...
- Do you have a plan? - Yes, I have.
now its gone.
george W. Bush is a fake. He is an actor.
that is not his real name.
- He knows to much. - Mohammed, he is crazy.
He know nothing at all! However
you are an good man, Habib,
but we are on a critically point in our plan.
- And we allow no risks. - Hm.
Live well, Heaven Tarts , Sugard Logs,
Powdered Flakes and SweetieO's.
See you again, calorie rich buttericecream!
allah!
How much costs this?
Harry!
do you have my money, Harry ?
what do you have today for me, Harry ?
no, no. Harry, come on.
You have been here for two hours... and that's why give I also what.
help the disabled person!
only 13 dollar, you failure? come with me.
what? ok, I thought, you said something.
you dont want to talk to me?
that gives you no bath this month.
I give you an couple on the side nutrients in your food. here you are.
We dont have time. Hurry.
Hm...what now?
I say: good night. Big day tomorrow, ok?
See you later. What?
oh, Im stupid... sorry, buddy.
It will get cold in my garage tonight.
Right. Night, Harry .
welcome to the ''Little Germany''-amusement park,
the Entertainmentcenter for Paradise City.
so tomorrow will the great broadcasting take place.
And sure here on the scene,
will the exposure of the Krotchy Dolls be celebrated .
the great international star is here.
And exactly then will we slam.
dave and I will be in the deliveryvan, and will come through the staffapproach.
can we be sure, that your insider get us in ?
He is a highly donated parklot-guard.
And besides a loyal member to the community.
but , theres a lot of safetypeople between the drawbridge
and the storeroom. How will we pass unnoticed ?
In the we she divert!
we will sabouter the great international superstar's carriage.
yes, when he then arrive, will he be so pissed .
you know however, how the people react, when the VIP is pissed.
you are a true blessing for us, my brother.
it is so how the profetia says in the good book.
And it is so he comes, the apostle,
and he carries with him the sacredly flag of the integrity.
He is the one, that will free us from the claws of consumption.
you have written a condemned bible for them ?
group C goes here and get the dolls from the storeroom.
group E check the surroundings,
we have got information from our intelligence,
that possibly an other organization
is also after the dolls.
Ill get it.
Bin Laden. Hello. Get down to busniess
Osama, old dirtbag ! Here is G.W!
Do you know how many innocent we had to torture to find your trace?
well, that is not my fault. Whats up, Georgie?
- Im busy. - You know,
Its about those oil-pipelines in Saudiarabia.
whether we can claim them or not? You know what i mean,
now when that airplane thing happend.
Right, wait a minute, write me, which pipeline you mean,
- and I blow you to mecca! - That would be a real bound.
Laura will write for me.
you know me, with spelling and all...
All right, till then.
Jihad!
first you promise you me a Privatejet, and then you send me a bus!
shit! Don't you know, that I am an international Superstar ?
shit!
Paradise, 8 miles?
God.
those fuckers!
I sit in the front!
And go! Go! go, go, go, go...
Go, go, go, go, go, go! Go!
Go!
Go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go!
I tell you, Mohammed, I know, that I saw exactly this gas station a while ago.
we are not lost. All gas stations looks the same. What is it with you?
Shouldn't you ask someone for the way to be sure?
Listen to me! I know where i am, ok?
- Maybe its best if I walk. - You now, you can't just do like that?
you are the boss of the organization and you now want to be the driver to ?
Seriously.
I'm here in the themepark Little Germany with the owner,
the debated director Uwe Boll.
Uwe, you have you have made your sucsess by making movies out of videogames,
but your heart has always belonged to this themepark,
and today is an great day for Little Germany.
-But of course. Im aware of
that the ship sunk which, carried the Krotchy Dolls charge.
And we are now the only one in the whole USA,
that have the Krotchy Dolls in the supplies. Here, for you!
yes.
so, what does the entire shit here?
Harry,its time for you to work. Put your hat on.
pay attention! Say: ''I work for food.''
you are so gross. Lets gos. Remember to smile.
thats my motherfucker there. Watch out gfor the flowers!
but I want to use this moment when its live on TV.
And I want tell a story how I finance my films
and also from ''Little Germany'', and where I get all my money].
you have sure already heard the rumuors, that my films
are financed with nazi-gold. And im telling you, its true!
everyone has to get money from somewhere.
I feel so good here on the the stage. When I see all this people
- and the all these children. - Will you mess around with me, or what?
Sir, allow me.
What about me?
Thats your problem, idiot!
what, you fire me? Because I say ''Fuck'' s?
And Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. Fuck you, then. Im the damn show.
What am I going to do now, with this show ?
Thanks a lot.
5, 4, do I have shit on my teeth?
thanks.
we broadcast live from Little Germany in Paradise . Its an amazing sight!
It is said, that people have been standing in line for days,
to be the first ones, to get thier hands on the: The famous Krotchy Dolls.
we turn to the red carpet, Gayle].
thanks, bob! The mood here is unbeliveable,
its known,thhat the international Superstar Vern Troyer is expected
and shall soon arrive. He is the voice from ''Krotchy''
in the cartoon and the videogame.
Ladys... Today we do God's work.
so, handle these youngsters godly.
Affirmative .
- Mitzi can see that you are very strong men! - I think,
Im getting sunburned.
Its so creamy.
Excuse me, can you help me ?
you are four and Im all alone.
- Man, lets get moving - All right.
Ok.
Here are my sexy darlings. Oh yes!
- Funny, is the Vernes limo? - Oh, I cant see anything, bobbie.
it appears, it stands an pickup truck in the way.
a Pickup truck ? thats classy.
Mr. Troyer ! Mr. Troyer ! Please a short comment!
I cant possible explain, how sorry
we are, Mr. Troyer . I will personallly
take full responsibility for the misadventure with the Pickup truck.
I dont want you fired. I want, your boss fired .
- here is Anne Frank . Come in, Hitler 2. - Do you hear me?
yes. Im in position. Yes, VIP is arriving as we speak.
- Why do you talk so funny? - Im comming from Dresden.
- its a undercover thing. - Over and out.
- He is a real ldiot, hm? - Yes, but very faithful.
Most of them are idiots. Ladys , so, what have you done with the guards?
- The are done. - All right.
Mitzi, whats wrong?
- He pooped im my mouth. - Oh, baby. Come here.
Come here, baby. Listen, dont cry.
that wont work, you know? Ok? I say this, because I love you.
Everythings allright? Come on. Good, go now.
Ok. Ok, Ladies . Now go back to work.
This is great, the entire park
is busy with the pissed VIP. My plan is genius.
Its beautiful. Very beautiful.
come on, keep you together. You are not ''I'' now youre a team.
Its locked.
There must be another way in!
- where is my money, asshole? - I got something much better: gold teeth.
- Almost new... - Hello, Paradise.
Help me, Krotchy. I am a beautiful woman. Help.
you know, what the great and noble Krotchy says, for a man in need!
''only my father and my priest coverts me here.''
- uncle dave, watch out! - What the heck...
Lets goe to the car! We strike in the front! Come on!
Anne Frank ! You gotta make some chaos . Were coming in your direction!
here is Anne Frank . Mission abbort! If you come here,
- you will get arrested immeditaly . - The entire land
- glances today full with jealousy of you. - Give us the dolls, you pagans!
Anne Frank , you gotta distract them! You gotta distract them Immediately!
- the fat man is in refreshment room. - What?
- repeting: the fat man is in refreshment room. - Who do you speak with, the devil?
the car is here, you ldiot.
ln this town you first get the offical licensed...
Krotchy Doll!
oh, allmächtiger God, hear me please.
Boll, I am Vince Desi . What the heck have you done with "Postal"?
what the hell is your problem? The film is super!
- Ah, shit... - Ouch...
Officers, have you noticed, that on the the stage
- theres a fight going on? - Yes.
Anne Frank , we come in yours direction. Now!
Let go! Damn it!
for Videogames!
oh, he shot Harry!
that damn motherfucker!
What the...
Harry , I come and help you, baby! Dont wander off!
I hate Videogames.
nothing here, hurry!
oh, shit!
Watch out!
- asshole! - Im sorry. Im clumpsy.
let me help you. I would never have thought,
that you so what with he small. Like a Dildo on a stock...
Wow. I see, if I can help you with the packing
shit. What the fuck?
God! Damn it! What...
God, Im in my damn shitbag!
- Richard, what the fuck are you doing? Hurry up! - Its a suprise.
Hey,assholes!
- Coffeeshop . - Latte without foam.
yes.
I must go.
- why have you taken him? - Worry about your own stuff
- and lets get away! - Be quiet, you fatty!
Hey, wait , wait up ! Hey!
Come on, go, go!
where is the damn key? It must be here somewhere.
- a short while ago I had... - I thought, you had the key.
You know, often it helps, if you do what you did backwards.
Mo... Mohammed.
you are under arrested! You have killed Harry!
Damn it, John ! Do something! Shit!
What a about Harry now,
what shall I now do when he sleeps forever ?
ouch! oh, my dick! Ouch!
brother Tariq knows the female aggressor vassals very good.
He is already on the path to yours bearing, to catch and to captivate.
allah be praised. Now is the time for you to give your life,
- to avange these sacrilege! - Or do it the easy way.
- yes! - Yes!
Look out!
- Do you really know what you are doing? - Yes!
I think, I'm bad from motoring.
that is the hag from the social welfare office! ''Im sorry, we have closed!''
asshole!
what was that?
I think we got a flat tire,
but we have only killed a woman.thank God.
- we have a body on Maple. - affirmative .
- please repeat youre position. - Maple, how the molasses.
the is some nice shit here. Oh my God, this kids are heavy.
Ok, in order. Gary! Hold on, wait.
Hold on. Okey. Ok, go for it, Gary .
make me a star.
here is Gayle Robinson ,live from the ''Little Germany''-amusement park.
or, the way it may be called from now on: ''the place, where laughter died''.
The famous Vern Troyer is at the moment missing,
its feared the worst. The coward,
that is responsable for this massacre, is described
as a man with red hair, who wears a ''Peace''-T-Shirt.
Back to you, bobbie. Oh, I forgot, that you are dead.
those children are starting to stink.
I cant belive, that I accepted this shitjob.
Crazy shit. But atleast,
this works... This works absulotly .
We have to bring him as quick as possible to the house, together with the goods.
Jesus, damned it! They are already here!
what do we do now? The was the only safe place in whole Paradise !
Think, dont you have a bunker or a cellar or something,
- that the Talibans haven't found yet? - No. We dont.
Yes we do. There is a massive Underground place
below of mainhouse.Its perfect.
I know what's perfect! My foot in your ass!
- Who are you , you bastard? - What the hell is this?
- you will see, uncle dave. - You know, Cant we can maybe
get past those talibans, without that they notice us?
We must give it a try. But what about the van?
- Let me worry about that. - hey,Why dont I know
about this underground area, Ritchie ? And where will you hide my Krotchy Dolls ?
- where everone can see them. - Line up!
- what is going on here? - Come on! Ok, hurry.
we must us hurry, come now...
citizen of this grand nation, town.
this psychopath, disturbed killer,
- also known as... - Postal Dude .
Postal Dude . Are we really going to call him that?
Postal Dude . He is wanted because of these crimes,
one gunfight on the social welfare office, the assassination of candidate Wells...
- the murder on one chinese. - And the murder on one innocent,
- old chinese. - Have you ever seen a day like this?
No.
Hey, hey, the Postal Dude . I fight you. Come on! Get him!
No, thats not him. Do you see, how the hair flutters?
this one loooks more like Jesus.
- shit, shit, shit. - Follow me! I know, where he is!
- follow me! In here! - Thank you.
Come this way!
Hey, in which direction went he? Lets go!
- why did you help him? - Do you want to clean the windows?
Damn it!
Don't move! Face to the wall, now!
Aouch!
- Aouch! - I have a feeling,
that I have caught the the Postal Dude .
Shit, you bastard! You son of a bitch!
I think you broke my nose! Ah, shit!
you asshole! I will get you, you...
sorry.
I think, he went this way!
no wonder, that the cops are always so angry. The is heavy.
Yeah, this is cool. What is this? a lighter?
- pepperspray]. pepperspray] is cool. - Officer...
shit!
paul Lipscomb. neighborhood group 232.
- good work, citizen. - Have you seen the Postal Dude ?
yes, yes, he ran that way.
All right. Federal citizen, Lets get the bastard!
Take him down!
- Ok. - Nice costume.
I thought that you had already made yourself look like an idiot enough.
You look like a penguin. Anyway, the van is gone.
so, where is this underground shelter place?
- go through the bedroom. - yeah, okey.
- All right, Im going in. - All right.
All right, I go inside. Stay here.
- have you heard anything from Osama ? - No!
- Do you know, where the van is? - No!
- Have you seen the dolls? - No!
- Do you know anything at all? - No I dont!
- you are stupid, stupid! - Mohammed, Im sorry.
- an stupid, damn pussy! - Forgive me, Mohammed.
- what will do we do now? - We kill the pagans!
And how will you do that? Osama you must say, what we shall do.
but he wont say anything.
Lorraine Calcutt . lnsider trading worth over three million dollar.
Linda Monteal . The nieghbours dog.
towards the investigation we see
why the people who died in 9/11 deserved to die.
daunted through the incapacity, the illness it,
appears like the AlDS-crises in Africa is always greater.
The UN has today an resolution discharged, the hindered,
that the continent in any wise man contact with the remainder the earth gets.
foremost experts in consequence of are videogames the main reason
for outrages by children.
Hey, pussy, pussy. Hey, kitty. Here, you stupid cat.
Miau .
Nice. Good kitty.
come, come.
- Hold on. - Im ready.
hurry. Go, go, go.
Come here, Come here, Come here.
in a line, please, my beautys. Yes, you too, Mr. Troyer .
- Jenny, would you be kind and, open it? - my pleasure.
Jenny , you too, hm? am I the only one here that didn't know about,
the shelter room under my bedroom ?
there is no shelter room, uncle dave.
I cant belive this shit.
it is a God-shelterroom.
- Ritchie, what the heck is this? - Its amazing!
- its a shithole. - Are everyone okey?
Dave bible, chapter 17, psalm 23: ''And in the end comes the fire
and the pest.
And the boils and combustions, and as well as bilecolics,
as also testicle cancer that will be the end of the entire mankind,
unless, that he hides under the earth like a bunny.''
I dont get it.
You have built this, only because the shit I wrote?
Im a true beliver, uncle dave, Even if you are not.
Hey, the is a pretty thing. Have you ever fired it ?
Dont touch it!
we need every single bullet for the ''End of all things''.
Ok.
Fanntastic, Ritchie, but we have here a problem,you understand?
my home is full of damn crazy fanatics, that belives,
that they are chosen, when the world sinks.
- I have to say... - Shut up!
- You shut up! - Dont you think, go and kick your ass?
- Fuck you, you fucking... - Put your finger in your ass!
- yes, you and what army ? - Im declare war against you!
- I am already... - Damn mini Fucker .
Ritchie, the point is, that now is not the time to worry about when th world ends.
we must only this weapons take and kill some motherfuckers,
get my merchendise back, sell it
- so that we can pay off the I.R.S. - We're not gonna sell the merchindise,uncle dave
- What?
Im sorry to inform you,
but that was never a part of the plan.
- And what is then the plan? - To end the world, of course.
- You people have serious problems. - Did you know this?
- I had no fucking idear. - So you told no one?
- Of course not. - I can hear you.
Ritchie . Ritchie .
Now it is time,for the rest of you tto find out the
full extent of the plan . This is why we need the Krotchy Dolls.
''What happens up my ass, stays up my ass.''
The asian birdflu! Yes,
against this knows the west devil no cure!
when this dolls are spread in the entire USA,
then its death and annihilation,
- like never before seen. - Yes!
this is, what I had to tell you.
''Hi, Im Krotchy, Im a boner.''
Ok, once again calm down: The Taliban will run from the virus
and spread it.
Thats true. We have stopped them. All is good.
Exactly. We have to get arrested, in the name of God.
- Hm? - Understand however,
it will only spread in the USA,
but in the realization in the Dave bible,
must the whole planet be destroyed.
- He is completly brainwashed. - Hm.
Im sorry, sweety. Command from above.
listen!
yes, tell me, Ritchie, I dont care, how many times i have banged!
I have anyway never written, that the mankind
- will be killed by the birdflu. - No, not literarlly.
But as I read between the lines,
im sure of, that you must have meant it.
Then, Its you, Mr. Vern Troyer !
If you have written a single word about me in your bible then,
- we both got an serious problem. - ''And you shall know,
that the last day, when the reckoning off begins,
is when a tine alone entertainer
get raped by 1000 monkeys.''
thats enough! Im going to kick your god damn ass you son of a bitch!
im sorry, little man.
Stop it, stop it.
Listen to me we must do what God commands us to do.
- Damn it. - Hey, come on, man.
when youfeel better, we talk about,
that I will never smoke weed again.
You will now witness the beginning of the end.
Make the monkeys ready!
No, not the monkeys, please.
- Why do you have so many apes? - I have no idea.
- I have nothing to do with this shit. - No to the apes!
oh, shit.
Nice monkeys! No, please, no.
this was for Sigfried and Roy.
when I consider, this was not a pleasant day.
- undoubtedly. - On the other hand...
unfortunately forrces the despaired nature of our situation,
that one of us must become a martyr,
to fight the pagans and to beat them .
So, any volunteers ?
What about you, Mohammed? You are so worthy!
oh, thank. Many thanks. And I would gladly do it,
I would gladly do it, believe me, nobody in the world would rather do it,
but unfortunately has Osama forbidden me.
Hey! What about Abdul ?
Ah, that is a great idea ! A great idea!genius!
Of course, one must agree willingly. Now, Abdul,
If you dont want to be blown into a million pieces,
raise yours hand, hop on one foot and sing ''Freebird''!
Abdul it is!
congratulations, my brother. congratulations.
Now, if we just had Osama.
Does anybody know where the fuck he is?
so, you can see, just by changing the words you use,
you can in many ways motivate your personel,
when you my ''117 steps, around your staffers to control'' succeed,
I promise today a 100-percent team like killerbees,
that is ready, to live or to die by your command.
you can get them to work 72 hours in a row,
just by, when putting crystal meth in thier water.
Maybe you think: Isnt Crystal Meth illegal?
yes it is, but the US Air Force gives it to their pilots when they are going to Afghanistan
So it cant be illegal,
when the US Air Force has ues it,right? Page 5 please.
you see a Cartoon . "What is this cartoon about" ?,
you think. To find yourself,
because humor in workplace is an another thing,
when you want to improve. When you get there,
that your employes laughs, you have got it right .
And you dont even need real chains! Haha!
by the way you can learn how to use real chains,
on my CDs and cassets.
so, what now? Will you shoot us?
yes, you know, im very sorry, man. Obvious its a
miss understanding, but you gotta see,
that I must act on this point. Hm? I mean, you are my nephew,
but this is my community. I must go to the blessed land .
- you old bastard. - Not at all.
- after all. - honestly,
in the bible stands nowhere, that we must kill you.
what are you doing, Ritchie ? Come on!
I am... I am God on earth, so its written in the shit bible.
- yes... - Right? Yes.
I saids, when you read between the lines,
then changes the meaning fundamental.
because so how I understands it, has God only picked you as God temporarily ,
it seems. But now is the time,
that we get a new leader, anybody...
that is truthful and faithful.
No, Ritchie .
I dont get it!
Fuck, Man.
I am gay! Who the heck had thought that?
I had no idea, but that explains the quantity!
perhaps can I finally understand what love really is.
I am a damn asshunter! Holy shit, man!
And I stand on fat! Wow.
you know what? Today starts a whole new life for me!
yes!
dave!
- Mitzi. - Oh!
Ok, then, I am only bisexual.
Discusting.
you...
We must thank you to, so...
how do you want to end your life, you get the birdflu.
Or we relese you from your misiry here and now. Its your choise.
actually...
actually, no.
you gotta let me live, Ritchie ,
when you the make your smalll apocalypse.
- And why's that? - Because...
Im the only one, that knows,
where the Truck with the birdflu is parked.
yes. That is smart! That is smart,
but its nothing, comparred to what we will become!
You cant have took it far. We can find it by ourselves.
- And now, its time for you to die. - Or not, you know?
The bible doesn't says, that you must kill me.
And you have said, that you shouldn't.
- And you have killed Dave. - Yes. But back then,
I didn't have any ideas at all,
so were back soon.
Get out.
children, take away uncle Dave!
Ouch, damn!
- why are you still here? - We're waiting for,
that Richard will come back with the truck.
And then we are going to eat poisoned brownies and go to heaven.
Starr could not wait. You were one soulschores
yes, but theres a new plan now.
Im...
gonna kick some terrosrist ass,
and probarly die.
but if I would somehow survive,
am i going to kick Richard's ass aswell.
With his machinegun up his ass.
yes.
arbitrations, arbitrations.
Why do you always get the smart guys?
mine!
yours!
- what did you say to me? - Oh, you idiot.
- you're good. - You're better.
follow we.
you slut, idiot! You are straggling,
you slut. You did it .
Come on.
Ok, Ladys, here we seperate. go to your families.
Think about yourselves. And please no more banging,
- with doomsday cults. - No one care. We think,
we will become christians. Right?
- yes. - all right.
Easy. One moment. wait.
- Waitt, please. - Why, are you married?
- No, I want Karen to - Ok.
hello!
God be thank.
2 minutes later...
yes.
Paradise, here I come.
regarding,the suit shit, have you seen the woman from the coffeeshop?
- yes, she is hard to miss. - Yes, but she is a good Fuck.
- you have ... - Yes, a couple of times.
she has a light switch in her house.
And the lights go on and off, on and off.
- You feel like a rockstar. - Take me to her house.
Oh, you are too much...
Hey, there is the Postal Dude! Get him!
the son of a bitch!
Hey!
Hey! Come on! Come on! Go! Go!
shit, an blind alley.
please be open. Shit.
I saw him over there. Come on! There he is.
You fucker! All right! All right! So, come on, you coward!
Take this.
excuse me!
thats right assholes!
you are so smart.
And you are a crazy psychopath.
- I had good reasons. - That says everyone.
I must destroy a postcar , with deadly viruses,
before a doomsdayssect or a terroristgroup gets it
- and the entire world will be lost. - Yes, and who gonna believe,in that?
- Jihad! - Apocalypse!
Ok, wheres the car?
Hi!
Great, ok.
Im sorry, Mr. Laden, it seems like, youre credit card doesnt work.
it seems, that in every free country in the world
- has frozen your account. - Do you take a check?
- No, cash, please. - Im short of money, you see.
Osama , we need you now at once.
- Do you have cash? - No.
run!
fucking arab. go to mecca and run around your stupid black box!
- where are we going? - Whereever,
a big explosion is going off.
Film her! Film her, Greg!
- More to the left, you on Mondays-fucker ! - Um.
Ok, you have right. You have right.
oh yes! just like that!
- Who is that? - My future Ex-woman.
- what do you think? - This is super.
only a little faster.
the should be enough.
all right. Hey, Champ! Come here, boy!
Champ! Come here!
- Ah, shit. come on, lets do this. - All right.
Too late.
shit, what was that?
comes back! You have to come back!
- I love you, Greggy . - I love you too.
back! Back!
Ok. Before we this, should we remember,
what the records from the seminary has taught us, ok?
The true change begins from inside out, ok?
exactly the same way...
have we from the seminary learned, that true force
is in a group! Ok, besides...
when you really want something, that is important,
then do it yourself.
- so, lets go! Ok! - All right, good!
Hey!
fucking shit. Get the fuck off my property!
You raunchy shitbags, damned...
out with the birdflu, pagans!
hello?
the is the delivery van, or?
oh, there is the fellow, that killed dave.
we must our energy concentrate,
to make this alive.
Ok, well then.
bomb! Bomb! Bomb...
bomb! Bomb!
A big bomb that could blow up this whole nieghbourhood!
Have I your attention?
- What are you doing, come on! - What is wrong with you people?
You are busy to do nothing else then, to destroy the world in the name of God.
You are complete idiots, God doesn't need your help.
He is God!
And he, she or it...
have given you your life.
And you miss use it.
Look around people. Look around.
Look around yourselves, damn it!
Do you see?
we are not so different,
because we are all from the same family,
the one that are called humanity.
And what does families do? Fight they?
yes, sure, but they find an solution, because they love eachother,
and they know, that they are bound together,
so how we all are.
here, on these Supergiant-slimeball,
that we call earth.
thinks about it, okey!
Lets try, to find some common things about us.
- Oh well, we all hate the Jews! - Yes, thats true.
Yeah. Well, who doesn't hate them.
- no, no. No hate-thing. - Na yes, then...
a love-thing.
I think, it is time, that we put down our guns,
so we can...
be friends.
when you this valuably present, thats called life, want to thorw away,
cant I not be mad at you.
so, its.
shoot...
or...
Hug.
shoot him.
Hey! Bitches. Fuck you, you bag of shit!
God, damn it!
those assholes!
so slow.
- Greg, Im still in here! - I know.
tucking you so long the toaster pure.
This was really fun, man.
can you feel this?
Hey, think of the virgins.
come on...
please put in another 25 cent , to make your call.
- hello, here is george W. Bush. - Here is Osama. I need your help.
- Calm down, Osama. What is it? - You must speak louder, George,
I cant hear you because of gunfire. Gunfire.
I am in a trailerpark in Paradise City!
Im here for you, buddy. We can with a satellite.
send over a couple of Cruise -Missiles?
- Nol, I... - Please put in another 25 cent,
to continuo your call.
I thought,maybe you could send over a hellicopter and pick me up?
Hey, that... That could work to. Something south from you is an airfield.
- I will pick you up there. - Oh, thanks, Georgie . I...
yes?
I dont know, what I would have done without you.
fuck.
holy shit.
please no head punshing. Please no head punshing.
hello?
lch is from the FBI, Frank Dumont .
we are here because of one book examination by a David Clarke .
you are american government?
yes, sir. Is Mr. Clarke home?
wait here, ministerial agents, I have somebody,
who needs to talk to you.
- fruitselling without approval. - l will write that down.
Jihad, yes.
Abdul !
Abdul, where is your belt? You are not wearing your explosivebelt!
Jihad, Bobak ?
we take the car.
Abdul.
Lorraine, Lorraine , listen to me, your own arse-hole to leak, yes?
you are my publisher.You said, this were the best example,
to sell my new book
"To fire, somebody", ,
and yet...
you have ruined it all!
- oh, shit! Oh, shit! - Dont be a idiot.
- No. - Idiot.
do you have...
- Champ! Hey, buddy. - Hey! Hey...
What's up ? I knew I smelt poo somewhere.
Its nice, you to see, man.
this is an announcement from the United states of America.
this is no test. You speak to your president.
here speaks the president from the united states of America.
intelligence service knowledge the ClA have established,
that the governments from china and lndia direct for the terrorist cell
reasonly, has been discoverd in Paradise.
worse still, they continue to make T-Shirts
for wide under a dollar here. In response we've been forced,
to destroy both countries through nucleararmsforce.
china despite of all our peaceefforts are going to,
send 30 atomic warheads our way.
They should hit in little under two minutes.
I wish you your best luck.
And God bless America.
Well?
- I regret nothing. - You know, I bring the stuff.
- Get out ! - What does you then?
Will you ever move ? Come on, lets go.
Hurry, squezze through.
Lets get out.
it was awsome.
Georgie , I think, this is the beginning of a beutiful friendship.